(1) Inner Work

Looking back with hindsight, of course I knew that my need to 

return to the monastery was connected with what is called a

"midlife transition."  Used to be called a "crisis," but happily we

moved away from that descriptive.  For a good number of years

I had worked nearly non-stop as an architect, and I was more

than tired.  I was exhausted.

Standing back, I realized that I was not only exhausted by the

work but also spiritually.  I believed that I remained a good 

monk, but with retrospect I realized that I was only attending to

the outer aspects of being a monk; i.e. community prayer, 

recommended reading, etc.  Anyway, I began to notice that

I barely was attending to the life of a dedicated monk.

At least at this point I realized that I needed to develop

spiritually, and even I knew that this kind of effort would take

some serious inner work.  Fortunately I knew where to turn,

or rather I should say who I needed to see: Brother Philip.

Brother Philip had retired as a Rector quite awhile ago, but he

continued to serve as a Spiritual Director for the monks at the 

monastery.  Over the years I only engaged in what might be 

deemed peripheral spiritual direction, really fairly superficial I 

suppose.  But these past years I had been incredibly busy serving 

in the world and was content and satisfied most of the time.  

But now I had reached a point in life where my efforts seemed 

redundant, not as meaningful.  And I longed once again for a 

sense of meaning.

Essentially I needed to know *why* I became a monk.